You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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