already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
