You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
