david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
