ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize