The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
