Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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