I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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