they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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