Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
