he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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