he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
