How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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