sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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