then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
