Having a random hookup so left but love u
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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