nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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