I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just found puke in my bra..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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