She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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