I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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