Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
