Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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