Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
