I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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