her vagine was all disorganized.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize