Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm jealous of your bromance
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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