Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He better not be in your backpack
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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