Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
