my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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