There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
