someone get that fucking seahorse.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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