I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
