Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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