It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize