we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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