I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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