dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We have so much sex to catch up on
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
