my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
