Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
