I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize