About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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