**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
