We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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