Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
