Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
40s are totally the cure
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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