I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
