I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
