so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
