Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
