she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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