Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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