Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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