She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
