We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
