Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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