I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
