I want to have your abortion
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
