She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't put those talents on a resume
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
