the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
