the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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