I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize