Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
