How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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