i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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