quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
