i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
