What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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