I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the liver wants what the liver wants
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
