giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize