I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
