Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
