watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
