you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I cut my penus on the lid.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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