I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
