Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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