why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
